Ten Reasons Why Canada Should Invade and Conquer the U.S.

1. Dubya's misadventure in Iraq has broken the military, so our defenses are weakened, probably to the point that the country could be taken over by several divisions of Mounties. It's like the old joke. Why does a dog lick his balls? Because he can. So why should Canada invade? Because it can. Too bad George never played the game of Risk...he would have realized that if you strand your armies around the world, you're easy pickings for the enemy.

2. No political will to impeach the bastard? No problem. Canada can capture him and have him join Saddam in the prisoner's dock being tried for crimes against humanity.

3. Gay marriage. Canada has it. We don't. Conquer us and deliver marriage equality. No activist judges needed. No more posturing like this is really a moral issue. The "historical sanctity of marriage" is pure bull. Ask Eleanor of Aquitaine if either of her marriages had anything to do with the sanctity of marriage.

4. Universal health care and lower cost prescription drugs. No need to cross the border to enjoy the savings.

5. Pairs figure skating. We (USA) just can't seem to establish any competence in this discipline, whereas the Canadians have produced a string of Olympic and World medalists.

6. The money. With the staggering amount of debt our country now has, it's only a matter of time before inflation starts to de-value the currency (even more than it already has). Shopping with Canadian dollars always seems to deliver more bang for the buck. Or more loot for the looney.

7. Canadian television. One of the best series I've ever seen (airing on the Sundance Channel) was a Canadian production entitled, "Slings and Arrows." It was so good, I live in fear that some US producer will co-opt the idea and bastardize it (kinda like we've been doing with BBC programming). Put the Canadians in charge of our television programming!

8. It solves the problem of illegal immigation from Mexico. Canada has two official languages: English and French. Having to learn two languages will raise the bar high enough to dissuade illegals. So would making a few well publicized arrests of American businesses who hire illegals, but where's the political will to do that?

9. Legitimizing the American fascination with royalty. Canada recognizes the British royal family as its monarchy. We would no longer have to hide our secret fascination (bordering on addiction) with tabloid stories about the second most dysfunctional family in the world.

10. End the ridiculous debate over whether the Star Spangled Banner should be translated into and sung in Spanish. Sing with me now, Oh Canada.....